She wore an elegant lenga, a bridal dress that is similar to a saree but it is less complicated . She looked stunningly beautiful in her Lenga, but there was something in her eyes, amidst the smile. It was not just about the Lenga for her, it was more about the responsibilities and duties of wearing the gorgeous dress. She smiled dutifully and carried the dress so elegantly but her smile troubled me.
She whispered to me, "look at my lipstick, I didn't even get to choose the color." She was being dolled up by her sisters in law earlier today for a belated reception of their December civil wedding.
She is a new acquaintance in Bhubaneswar, and because she was alone in this county for what is supposed to be the biggest event of her life, she phoned me and practically begged me to be with her, being a fellow Filipina, just so she can have a representative of her family and friends who are not able to make it here for this event.
She felt alone and lonely.
I did not have to ask why.
A wedding in my culture (or at least from the experiences of my friends) is all about the bride. From the wedding motif, font used for the invitations, down to the tiny bit of sequin used on the wedding dress, the bride gets to decide.
Not today though.
It was all about him. It was about presenting the bride to the groom's friends and family.
She carried her duties without complains, but I can feel the pain of loneliness whenever she puts on a smile. It was hard enough to speak in a foreign language. All she could do was smile.
Who am I to make my judgments. I was just witnessing a cultural fusion but I could not see a bit of Filipino in that reception today. I could not even see a bit of her individuality in that fabulous wedding reception. She did not even pick her own lipstick color.
She then told me in her own native tongue that she did fall in love with her groom but she never thought marriage entailed marrying an entire culture, and giving up hers along the way.
I felt like giving her a hug as I would to a younger sister, but in reality I do not have a sister and it was wrong for me to feel pity on her, because the last thing she needed was a fellow Filipina patronizing her.
I am not making any judgments. I just could not help myself but think about her smile and how painful her smile was.
In as much as I feel like opening up to a whole new idea of widening my horizons to open myself up to the whole idea of wanting to be a "new" me, I just could not imagine myself being in her position.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing I suppose, but marriage is simply not just about that.
I would like to think that I can change for the man I would choose to spend the rest of my life with, but I just could not bring myself to imagine giving up even my own individuality and losing myself somewhere between the thin line of falling in love and sealing it off.
How far can one go for a commitment?
What am I willing to give up for the sake of loving?
Is love really enough?
I cannot help it though that there are times when I wish I too can wear a "Lenga" or a wedding dress, but when I think of brides with a pained smile, I am certainly back to my own realities.
My friends and my family will just have to wait, hopefully not unto infinity though, when I am able and willing to give up my "running away" from a commitment of even a serious relationship minus the wedding.
Not yet.
Not for a while.
She whispered to me, "look at my lipstick, I didn't even get to choose the color." She was being dolled up by her sisters in law earlier today for a belated reception of their December civil wedding.
She is a new acquaintance in Bhubaneswar, and because she was alone in this county for what is supposed to be the biggest event of her life, she phoned me and practically begged me to be with her, being a fellow Filipina, just so she can have a representative of her family and friends who are not able to make it here for this event.
She felt alone and lonely.
I did not have to ask why.
A wedding in my culture (or at least from the experiences of my friends) is all about the bride. From the wedding motif, font used for the invitations, down to the tiny bit of sequin used on the wedding dress, the bride gets to decide.
Not today though.
It was all about him. It was about presenting the bride to the groom's friends and family.
She carried her duties without complains, but I can feel the pain of loneliness whenever she puts on a smile. It was hard enough to speak in a foreign language. All she could do was smile.
Who am I to make my judgments. I was just witnessing a cultural fusion but I could not see a bit of Filipino in that reception today. I could not even see a bit of her individuality in that fabulous wedding reception. She did not even pick her own lipstick color.
She then told me in her own native tongue that she did fall in love with her groom but she never thought marriage entailed marrying an entire culture, and giving up hers along the way.
I felt like giving her a hug as I would to a younger sister, but in reality I do not have a sister and it was wrong for me to feel pity on her, because the last thing she needed was a fellow Filipina patronizing her.
I am not making any judgments. I just could not help myself but think about her smile and how painful her smile was.
In as much as I feel like opening up to a whole new idea of widening my horizons to open myself up to the whole idea of wanting to be a "new" me, I just could not imagine myself being in her position.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing I suppose, but marriage is simply not just about that.
I would like to think that I can change for the man I would choose to spend the rest of my life with, but I just could not bring myself to imagine giving up even my own individuality and losing myself somewhere between the thin line of falling in love and sealing it off.
How far can one go for a commitment?
What am I willing to give up for the sake of loving?
Is love really enough?
I cannot help it though that there are times when I wish I too can wear a "Lenga" or a wedding dress, but when I think of brides with a pained smile, I am certainly back to my own realities.
My friends and my family will just have to wait, hopefully not unto infinity though, when I am able and willing to give up my "running away" from a commitment of even a serious relationship minus the wedding.
Not yet.
Not for a while.
